Author Topic: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!! (clean jokes only please)  (Read 242485 times)

Alice

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Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!! (clean jokes only please)
« on: August 05, 2007, 10:54:50 am »
Anyone got any appalling jokes to share about astronomy, space and science in general?

Here are two really bad ones to start off with . . .

1) Two atoms go into a bar. One suddenly turns to the other and says, "Hey - I think I've lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"

2) (Actually out of a Christmas cracker) Did you hear about the man who broke the law of gravity? He was given a suspended sentence.

 :)  ::)  :D  :P  ;)
« Last Edit: September 06, 2007, 08:05:29 am by Alice »

thaumielx72

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2007, 11:46:53 pm »
OK.  How about a truly awful joke.

Q> How do we know that Saturn was married many times?

I can't bring myself to type the punch line...

MockFerret

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2007, 11:56:20 am »
What's blueish, unimaginably distant, and conquers Gaul?

Julius Quasar.


fluffyporcupine

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2007, 12:01:35 pm »
They are all truely awful, but thats what makes them so great! ;D

zookeeperKevin

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2007, 12:10:43 pm »
Worst math joke ever coming up:





What's purple and commutes?

A: an Abelian grape.

fluffyporcupine

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2007, 12:12:44 pm »
No astonomic but...

2 cats on a roof, which falls off 1st?

A: the one with the lowest mew!

For those that dont know mu if to do wiht friction (and ive probably spelt it wrong!)

fjgiie

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2007, 01:05:32 pm »
OK.  How about a truly awful joke.

Q> How do we know that Saturn was married many times?

I can't bring myself to type the punch line...

Is it that Saturn has so many rings?

... and I had to look up Abelian.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2007, 01:08:27 pm by fjgiie »

charcinders

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2007, 09:43:35 pm »
Q: How many ears does Mr. Spock have?


A: Three - the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
You want my reply? What was the question? I was looking at the Big Sky.

Edd

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2007, 09:47:47 pm »
How many light bulbs does it take to screw up an astronomer?
When I look up at the night sky and think about the billions of stars out there, I think to myself: I'm amazing. - Peter Serafinowicz

MockFerret

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2007, 12:49:39 am »
Deep in space, an astronaut comes across a mysterious giant ball of metal and stone, bigger than a star. He goes for a spacewalk outside to get a closer look, when suddenly, the ball swallows up his spaceship whole.

Luckily, a minute or two later, some freindly aliens pass by and pick him up.

"Hey!" shouts the astronaut. "That thing just sucked up my ship!"

"Well of course," reply the aliens. "It's a Dyson sphere..."

Jane

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2007, 10:56:24 am »
I once had a whole list of answers to "How Many Astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb" but the only one I can remember now is - "None, astronomers use standard candles". I'm sure some of the others were better.
Experimentally poking the enormous / Frame of the universe / This much we know: / It has a pulse like us./ But if it lags for woe, / Quickens for fever / Or calm euphoria measures it for ever / Other astronomers must show. [Sylvia Townsend Warner]

Edd

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2007, 11:36:59 am »
Some of my favourite answers to 'How many astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?' then:

* 3 plus or minus 75

* 73. 1 to change the bulb, and 72 to argue that it should weigh about 3
   times as much, now that it's cold dark matter.


http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/ is a disturbingly large resource of bad jokes across all the sciences.
When I look up at the night sky and think about the billions of stars out there, I think to myself: I'm amazing. - Peter Serafinowicz

degroof

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2007, 06:38:42 pm »
"How Many Astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb"

1. None. That's what interns are for.

2. None. It's a physics problem.

3. It's very difficult to pin down a precise number. First, a heated discussion ensues as to whether the object in question can, strictly speaking, be defined as a "lightbulb" since it no longer emits light, thereby throwing into question the entire notion of changing it. The IAU is alerted, which, after lengthy discussion, concludes that the best course of action is to create a new category of objects: "darkened lightbulb". This announcement is met with great celebration by the astronomers, who then begin work on changing the bulb, only to find out that the janitor took care of it six months ago.

Pharun

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2007, 09:52:57 pm »
LOL, your answer number 3 is definitely the best.
My Science/Technology Blog: www.chrisstevens.wordpress.com

Tanksdaddy

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Re: Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2007, 09:04:18 am »
Han Solo walked into a bar in Mos Isley...

" Hey Barkeep...whats a guy gotta do to get a drink around here"

The bartender gestures down the bar to the Wookie..." Hey buddy...the high balls are on him!"
Aunty Em...hate you, hate Kansas, Taking the dog...Dorothy