Astronomically Awful Jokes!!!!! (clean jokes only please)

[Infinity]

I think you'll find that the seventh planet begins with U, which should answer your question.

[fjgiie]

I thought they eliminated Pluto as one of the full planets.

[Fusion_power]

Pluto never was a planet.  It is too anomalous to be one.

Here is another one.  Did you know that the earth is a twin planet?  Don't think so?  Well, check the parameters.  What other planet has a "moon" with the mass ratio that the moon/earth system has?  What other planet has a barycenter over 1000 miles from its geocenter?  What other planet has the magnetic field the earth has?  I could go on.  I'm not the first to make this argument, Isaac Asimov wrote it up quite well.

How many stars does it take to change out a lightbulb?

One, so long as he can get away from the camera long enough to do the job.



Where can you find a lisping star?

Thar, Thar.

[NNM]

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.

Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?"
"How would you feel," the astronaut replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"'

Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!

[Big_Bill_Robinson]

A couple of very quick scientific jokes....

Schrodinger's Cat
WANTED
DEAD AND ALIVE!!!

A neutrino walks into a bar...and keeps right on going....

Actually I have just thought of another one, as follows:

Two astronomers, Fred and Harry....

Fred: I jumped a red light on the way to work today, and got pulled over!
Harry: OMG Fred! Are you gonna have to go to court?
Fred: Well no. I explained to the policeman that I didn't actually see the light as red. Due to the doppler effect, it was shifted towards the blue end of the spectrum.
Harry: You mean he let you off?
Fred: No - he gave me a speeding ticket!

 

[degroof]

"I heard Venus is waxing!"
"Eh, it's just a phase."

[degroof]

The Norwegian Space Agency is undertaking an ambitious project to help curb global warming. They are currently building a sun-blocking spacecraft which they plan to launch in 2016. The Pøck will use a huge solar screen to selectively cast shadows on Earth's hot-spots. A four-man crew will be required to deploy and maintain this screen during its 10-year mission. The Norwegian Space Agency has yet to name the four Norsemen of the Pøck eclipse.

[fjgiie]

An indian chief had three squaws. He liked one more than the other two so he gave her a hippopotamus hide to sleep on. The other two squaws got to sleep on cowhides. The favorite wife gave the chief two sons and the other wives only had one son each. SO...

The squaw on the hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
 

[Tanksdaddy]

ppphhhheeewwwwwwwwww! anyone else smell that last one?

[Alice]

Maybe some of these jokes are eclipsing others . . .. . . but we won't moon over it . . .. . . because we're all stars . . .            

[Infinity]

I see you are getting into all the features of this site!
Q. What did the astronaut cook for lunch?
A. An unidentified frying object!

[fjgiie]

ppphhhheeewwwwwwwwww! anyone else smell that last one?

No joy in Mudville!  Pythagoras would have been proud.

[Thornius]

Three Astronomers walked into a bar, the fourth one ducked.

[Alice]

My uncle's version of the above is: Guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" 

Here's an old one my parents love:

Q: What happens when a body is immersed in water?
A: The telephone rings.

   

[weezerd]

[move] [move] [/move][/move]

Erm, did somebody mention colliding bodies?